Happy New Year.

Although it's a Christmas song, The Pogues "Fairytale of New York" has been going through my head for the past few days. Specifically, the line "I've got a feeling this year's for me and you."

2011 was something else. I could probably find a specific adjective for each month and they wouldn't all be nice and ladylike. I spent last New Year's Eve drunk at the Bistro with my ex-girlfriend (who I had just broken up with a few hours previous). Another of my ex-girlfriends was there, drunkenly pulling my hair. When midnight rolled around, I called Jenny on the phone and we screamed "Happy New Year" at each other over the noise of our respective atmospheres.

It wasn't exactly the New Year's Eve I had planned. It was messy, full of too much negative emotion and guilt and general yuck.

But what I learned that day is that the way you physically spend your evening does not dictate your year. You decide the year you have. You make the choices, you make the mistakes and you decide your reactions.

You learn. At least, you should learn. People who don't learn from their lives are living in their graves already, tossing more dirt on their heads with each life lesson that passes them by.

This year, I'm focusing on me. I want to be more present in my life - a better partner, a better mother, a better human. I take so much for granted still, even though I know I shouldn't. Life can end at a moment's notice. Cars can crash. Carbon monoxide can leak in. You never know what life will bring you, whether angel food cake or a shit sandwich, and you need to be able to adapt to whatever comes.

So Happy New Year. I hope, for each one of you, it brings life lessons that you can learn and grow from.

And no shit sandwiches.