Steubenville.

Some of you may have noticed that I've been posting a lot about the "Steubenville rape" trial. I've been following it semi-obsessively since I originally read about the story through both Huffington Post and Anonymous. What a lot of you may not know is the reason I've been following this story so closely...

When I was 22, I was sexually assaulted. Not very many people know that for a variety of reasons. I have often said I wear my scars with pride, that they make me who I am. This scar, however, is particularly deep and painful. Reading all the press this situation has gotten, and especially the most recent press about how terrible everyone is feeling for the rapists, has pushed me to "come out" so to speak.

Sexual assault is more prevalent than people think. I grew up with a cop as a second father and knew that I should report it as soon as it happened. And why didn't I? Society. Slut-shaming. Was my skirt too short? Did I ask for it somehow? Logically, duh... of course not. But reading and seeing all this commentary from educated people talking about all that wasted potential has once again reminded me why I was too scared to come forward in the first place.

And you know what? That is FUCKED UP. I should feel safe in my town, in my community. I should feel like this very awful thing that happened to me isn't a stigma... but it is. We should be talking about THE VICTIM... how this will effect her every day life. How every single facet of her life will be effected by the stupid decision that these boys made and then LAUGHED at.

Every part of my life has been somehow touched by my assault. The way I relate sexually is effected, I don't feel safe outside by myself, I had obsessive compulsive disorder about checking my doors for awhile... and the perpetrator was someone I knew. I look back now and can see his cocky attitude... his nice car and nice house and how he felt he somehow deserved everything... and I no longer see any fault of my own and entirely the fault of society/his parents/etc.

If we can't talk about how wrong this is, if we can't look at those young men and see them as RAPISTS (not as victims), we as a society need to take a serious step back. It doesn't matter how drunk you are, you never deserve to be taken advantage of. You never deserve to have pictures taken of you against your will. You never deserve for other women to call and threaten you. That is fucking sick and wrong and people should be ashamed of themselves.

But she shouldn't be ashamed. I shouldn't be ashamed. We deserve to hold our heads high, deal with the ramifications and move forwards. But, as Henry Rollins said, we're somehow the ones left with the life sentence.