My life.

I have spent most of my life as an extrovert.

I've always thrived on attention, even lying to get it when I was younger. I was sexually active far earlier than I should have been for that same reason. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life in that same quest for attention... many I'm unable to forget or take back.

Now, approaching my 32nd year of life at a faster speed than I would have liked, I am finding that I spend much more time sitting back and reflecting. Who am I? What do I want out of life? I debate everything in my life... if I'm a good parent, partner, daughter... and I tend to beat myself up to repent for any mistakes I've made.

My daughter will be entering junior high next year. I remember junior high so well... I felt so awkward and wanted so badly to fit in. I had a few close friends (Moxie, I'm looking at you!) but mainly I was a chameleon. I want so badly for my daughter to find her place, but I worry that I've handicapped her by giving her a family that society says she should hide.

Being one of only a handful of gay parents I know locally, it's tough. I don't know what to do or say to her... how to make it better, how to explain the bullying and teasing that may happen. To know it's a direct result of my life, even if it is a life that I am happy with and couldn't change even if I wanted to, makes it that much worse.