165.2#

After a crazy year of ups and downs with my health, I weighed in today at 165.2#. This means I have officially gained 10# since my gallbladder surgery in September and am 7# away from where I started two years ago.

Instead of choosing frustration, I'm choosing action. It isn't just because my wife and I are going on a cruise in January, it isn't because I want to look better in jeans... I want to FEEL better. I know that my food choices and lack of activity can be most linked to laziness and comfort. I need to get off my ass, use the gym membership we're paying for, eat food that actually nourishes me instead of making me feel sluggish and make positive changes FOR ME.

I feel like I have a good shot at it this time.

Even though I have changed into pajamas, my clothes still smell like bonfire. It's imbued into my hair, my skin, my fingernails... and, although I could shower again, I like it that way.

Tonight might very well be the last birthday bonfire I have with my grandparents.

We've been doing them as long as I can remember, since I was a child. I grew up around that bonfire, went from eating hot dogs to veggie dogs and back again (and since back to veggie dogs!). I matured, came out of the closet, got married, got divorced, had a kid... and every year I knew I could go back to that place and have one thing in my life be stable.

It's difficult to admit that my grandparents are getting older because it's even harder to admit that I am. When my grandmother said that this may be the last bonfire because it's too difficult for them to set up and haul around everything needed to prepare ahead of time, it made me sick to my stomach. I understand and respect it... they have earned it... but it still makes me sad.