When September hits, both of my most recent ex-girlfriends will have moved across the country. One is moving to California, like she's been talking about for ages, and the other to Maryland to pursue new love. I'm happy for both of them, even though I have no right to be and have no real relationship with either of them.
However, this spurs my gypsy soul into motion.
Honestly, I'm not sure I can even find total contentment. I always want bigger, better... confusing movement with progress. I never make enough money to be happy, never live in a nice enough place, never live up to the lofty goals that I've set for myself.
I'm saddled with anxiety and depression to top it all off, reminding me on the daily that the world is much bigger than me and it doesn't tend to be too super concerned with the life of one person (no matter how important I may convince myself I am).
It's weird to think of these people that I used to be so close with moving forward with their lives. When you break up with someone, part of you keeps that person as exactly who they were when you were together. I'm not sure why it makes me uncomfortable to think of them moving on, other than the fact that it reminds me that I'm not.
Don't get me wrong. I love my fiancee and am very much looking forward to marrying her. I love my job. I love my family. But I'm still here. I always thought I'd be somewhere else, somewhere bigger... every day an adventure. I didn't think I'd be approaching 32 with my nose to the grindstone.
I guess this should spur me into motion as well. I also need to remember that envy, desire, comparison ... those things are the root of unhappiness.
The world is somewhat oblivious to you as one person, but if you think of the 5-10 people closest to you, how would their lives be different if you weren't around? How about even a little wider than that, say 25-50 people? Maybe you aren't travelling the world, but maybe you weren't meant to be. Maybe you are right where you should be, and good things are right around the corner for you?
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