Lessons learned.

The last few years of my life have been a whirlwind.

It wasn't a tumbleweed tossing, have to rescue your hair from your lip gloss type of whirlwind. It was more of an F5 tornado, leaving behind it a swath of destruction and mayhem.


But god, how I've learned.


I've been through two relationships, both very different in the lessons I've taken away from them and the pain that was left in their wake. I've learned that, although I might want to, I can't force myself to be someone I'm not. Sometimes, simply loving someone isn't enough. Trust is hard earned and even harder when you have a hard time even trusting yourself. Self esteem can't be faked or fixed in a day, a week or even a year. It's a constant internal battle; sometimes you win and other times you lose.


And, recently, I've learned that there are people out there who just "fit" with you. Usually, those people appear when you least expect it and change your whole life. You can't be looking because the universe likes to work in the most mysterious of ways, no matter how cliche that might seem.


I've gone from a job and a career path that I expected to work in for the rest of my life to another completely different one because of a very adult decision. I've worked two jobs, 60+ hours weekly, barely seeing my daughter. And, let me tell you... choosing to work at the job where you are respected, your opinions welcomed and validated, is worth far more than money. 

Friends will come and go but the true friends stay. And some of the truest friends are the ones you see once every few years and that you can click right back into your friendship with as though no time has passed at all. Others will stab you in the back for no justifiable reason at all and smile in your face. Even in 30 years of life I haven't always been able to figure out which is which.

Just some random musings today.