Writing.

“You are lucky to be one of those people who wishes to build sand castles with words, who is willing to create a place where your imagination can wander. We build this place with the sand of memories; these castles are our memories and inventiveness made tangible. So part of us believes that when the tide starts coming in, we won't really have lost anything, because actually only a symbol of it was there in the sand. Another part of us thinks we'll figure out a way to divert the ocean. This is what separates artists from ordinary people: the belief, deep in our hearts, that if we build our castles well enough, somehow the ocean won't wash them away. I think this is a wonderful kind of person to be.”

- Anne Lamott

If forced to describe myself categorically, I would use all the usual labels... mother, daughter, partner, etc. But, sometimes above all that, I am a writer.

Writing muscles are similar to the muscles I've developed in roller derby. The muscle memory remains the same but, without practice, they atrophy.

But I don't set aside time like I used to, don't jot random, scattered notes on shreds of receipts with ideas for future short stories or blog posts. I sometimes worry that my gift is being squandered. I don't want to waste my talent but I also have an almost paralyzing fear of writer's block. It's cyclical - I stress about writer's block and don't write which makes me worry that I have writer's block even more.

But I've always felt there was so much good inside me, so many things waiting to come out and change the world. That may sound conceited but writing is the one talent I'm sure of, the one thing that I know I'm good at.

So why the fear? Why the self-judgement?

If I let you know I'll figure it out. Maybe that's just something that comes with being a crazy writer, the type of person who always has weird, random thoughts bouncing around in her brain.

They say all writers are a little crazy.