Enthusiasm.

I miss my youthful enthusiasm. I'm not quite sure I can pinpoint exactly when it left me, floating away from me like a dandelion seed on the wind. It was suddenly just gone, vacated the premises.

I'm sure that it was the result of a variety of factors. Growing up is a tough process, full of bills and disappointments and responsibilities. It tends to beat the fun out of you with an invisible bat, one you can't see or hear or feel.

But, opposed to what it may seem, this isn't meant to be a depressing or sad post. It's one about hope, the hope that I'm on the path to regain some of that childhood sense of excitement I may have lost.

I'm 33, but I'm not quite sure how old I'm supposed to feel. Despite paying all (most) of my bills on time, I would rather sit on my couch with a good book or giggle with my friends than do something productive. I've lost touch with a lot of them over the last few years, mainly due to a serious bout of depression than rendered me slightly overweight and anxious and withdrawn.

Now, I can feel the thaw coming. I'm appreciating things more. I'm wanting to work on myself, my body, my health. I want to socialize, to get out of the house (sometimes).

It's nice to feel want although, as a Buddhist, I know I should work on being liberated from it as well. I'm just happy to feel it for now.

1/1/2015.

Last night was the first New Year's Eve in a long time that I chose to stay in, don comfy pajama pants and celebrate quietly with my wife. To be fair, it was also the first year that I've had a wife (yay)! It was amazing... relaxing, less worry about all the other drunk drivers on the road, more snuggles with the warm and furry ones that are most important to me (minus my mini-me who was with her father seeing Blue Man Group in Chicago).

Today was much the same. I, of course, made big resolutions. I want to lose 50#, but mostly get healthier. I want to do more yoga and meditate more. I want to write more (chiggity checking that off my list for the day). Overall, my goals are to clear out the nonsense on focus on breaking down my life to its barest, most basic essentials... love, peace and security.

Yes, I want to buy a house at some point. I'm working on my credit score and we've created a budget. But the things that are the most important to me are making sure I'm taking care of my temple. We only get one and I have definitely not been treating it right (to the tune of a 20# weight gain since the summer - mostly after getting my gallbladder out and being able to eat food again).

I'm going to be writing most days so be warned. :)

Here's to hoping your New Year's Eve and 2015 in general is MAGIC.